White Collar: Plan B
by Phoenix-cry
Summary: Peter and Neal are in dire trouble. Peter has an idea to get out of it, but neither one of them are very thrilled with it. Just a random humor one shot for giggles!


White Collar: Plan B

It was just past four in the afternoon and Peter was walking slowly down one of the city streets waiting for Neal to catch up with him. Neal was undercover in one of the larger investment firms, quitting time wasn't usually until after five but Neal had texted him about ten minutes ago letting him know that he was 'going home early'. Peter took it as a good sign that Neal had gotten the information he was after and was slipping out before something could go wrong with his cover, which was admittedly a little thin this time around. Eventually Neal appeared at his side smiling brightly with his hands in his pockets.

"Fancy meeting you here." Neal greeted. "Miss me?"

"The first hour of silence was a little unnerving, but then I remember how much I love it."

"Admit it, Peter, without me your life would be dull."

"Did you get what we need?" Peter asked, not interested in encouraging Neal.

"And your job would be a lot more difficult." Neal added.

"You make my life in general plenty difficult to make up for it."

"Just keeping things interesting. Speaking of interesting, Balinger told me everything, and I mean *everything*." Neal handed over the small recording device. "I basically could not get him to stop talking. Like we've been friends for life. I kinda feel bad putting him away."

"Try not to sympathize with Balinger too much, he did embezzle four million dollars from a non profit." Peter pointed out as they continued walking down the street back towards his car that was a few blocks away.

"Five actually."

"Five?"

"Yeah, it's on the tape." Neal smiled. "I am constantly amazed by how much people trust me sometimes when they really shouldn't."

"I marvel at that myself every day."

"Some people just never lear..."

Neal stopped suddenly with a sharp gasp. Peter instantly became more vigilant looking for a threat, expecting to see Balinger or someone associated with him. Before he could spot anything Neal grabbed the elbow of his jacket and yanked him into the narrow back ally that they had just stepped past. Neal dragged him about ten feet down the ally before noticing that the way was blocked off a hundred yards down by a high chain link fence. There was nothing in the ally to hide behind and the doors in view had padlocks.

"Neal?" Peter asked pulling his jacket out of Neal's grip. "What's going on?"

"The four Macheli brothers are headed down the street this way."

"So?"

"I...uh...I allegedly acquired some art from them."

"You stole from the Macheli family?" Peter demanded. "Are you insane?!"

"And I may have slept with their sister in the process."

"'In the process'?" Peter repeated angrily. "What did you get bored? No, never mind, I don't want to know."

"All you need to know is that they going to kill me, and by 'me' I mean 'us'." Neal said seriously. "We've got like twenty seconds to come up with a plan that should probably involve your gun."

Peter didn't think that Neal was exaggerating, the Macheli mafia was well known for horrific violence against anyone who dared cross them. Peter reached into his jacket and unclipped the strap that kept his weapon secure, but even as he did so he knew that a fire fight against four men in a blind ally was not going to end well for anyone. Neal hadn't done them any favors by bringing them into the inescapable and lonely ally. Although the Machelis had never really cared about witnesses before when it came to settling scores so they were probably in deep trouble either way.

"Did they see you?" Peter demanded.

"Just a glimpse, I don't know if they actually recognized me, but they certainly took notice. What are we going to do?"

"Unfortunately, I have an idea..."

Peter had not made the announcement with very much enthusiasm and his expression made Neal nervous. He had a look of someone who had just resigned themselves to do something that they already knew they were going to regret. Neal was about to ask what the plan was when Peter pushed him back up against the brick wall of the ally way. Peter reached into his jacket to put his hand on his gun and put his free hand against the wall up by Neal's ear to help block the view of his face from the street. With a quick sigh of defeat Peter leaned in closer turning his head slightly to the side.

"Peter, if I didn't know any bet..."

Peter cut Neal off with what amounted to a less that passionate but certainly an aggressive kiss. Although taken mostly by surprise Neal managed to follow Peter's lead, however he couldn't help but press himself harder into the wall in a desire to escape the sudden contact. Keeping up with the amorous display Peter risked a sideways glance and caught sight of the Macheli brothers who had stopped at the head of the ally to see if they had seen who they thought they had. Breaking off the kiss Peter glared defiantly at the four men watching them. Neal kept his face turned away, hiding behind Peter as best he could as though he was simply less comfortable with having been caught in the semi-public display of affection.

"Piss off." Peter snarled darkly at the Macheli brothers boldly.

One of the younger men stepped forward aggressively, but the eldest of the brothers stopped him and looked around. There were plenty of people out and about and although they might have risked an open confrontation against someone they held a grudge with the lead brother decided against committing a random hate crime. Spitting a few derogatory remarks at the pair the brothers continued on their way. Once he was sure they were gone Peter released the breath he'd been holding. Neal pushed Peter away so that he could get away from the filthy brick wall that was ruining the back of his jacket.

"Peter, that was *disgusting*." Neal complained as he dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. "Blegh!"

"Relax, Butch." Peter rolled his eyes. "I would not have pegged you as homophobic, in fact..."

"That is not my issue." Neal paused as he gagged slightly. "What did you have for lunch? Salted roadkill?"

"Oh right, I forgot." Peter chuckled. "Deviled ham salad today."

"Extra garlic?" Neal wrinkled his nose.

"Always." Peter confirmed.

"Unacceptable." Neal smacked his lips. "I need to brush my teeth, and so do you."

"I'll keep mints on hand for the next time I have to save your life in a back ally from random mafia families roaming the streets looking for revenge."

"How about you just stop eating deviled ham? It can't be good for your arteries."

"My arteries are just fine."

"If you say so." Neal replied doubtfully.

Peter shook his head sadly. It had been a close call, but when he thought about how many people Neal had conned he realized it had really only been a matter of time before they came across one of them in passing. It was a city of eight million, but at times it could still manage to be a small world. Peter checked the street to make sure that the brothers had left before stepping out and heading to the right with Neal behind him.

"Come on, this way." Neal tugged on Peter's sleeve once again to encourage him to cross the street.

"Where are we going?"

"I skipped lunch talking with Balinger. I need something to remove this taste, and after a display like that I expect you to take me out to dinner."

Peter sighed heavily.

"And I'm not a cheap date, by the way." Neal teased.

"Are you ever going to let me hear the end of this?"

"Never." Neal smiled brightly. "How are we going to break the news to Elizabeth?"

"I should have gone with Plan A." Peter grumbled.

"What was Plan A?"

"Let them kill us."


End file.
